From Performer to Leader: Mastering the Art of One-on-Ones
Transitioning from a high-functioning employee to a manager is a significant career shift. It’s no longer about excelling at your own tasks; it’s about enabling others to excel at theirs. One of the most underrated, yet most impactful tools in a manager's toolkit is the one-on-one meeting. But here’s the thing: a one-on-one isn’t just another business meeting. It’s not a project update or a review of to-dos. It’s about building relationships, understanding your team, and unlocking their potential.
Why One-on-Ones Are a Game-Changer
As a new manager, you might feel the urge to focus on processes, metrics, and deliverables. While these are important, your real impact lies in your people. One-on-ones are your opportunity to:
Understand your team members as individuals: Learn their strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and career goals.
Build trust and rapport: Create a safe space where they feel heard and supported.
Align their personal growth with company goals: Help them see how their role contributes to the bigger picture.
The Key to Effective One-on-Ones: It’s About Them, Not You
One-on-ones should be employee-focused, not just a platform for you to give feedback or updates. Use this time to listen, ask questions, and explore their perspective. A helpful framework to guide these conversations is the FORWARD acronym:
Family: Do they have personal responsibilities that might affect work-life balance?
Occupation: What are their current challenges or aspirations in their role?
Recreation: What do they enjoy doing outside work? (This can reveal a lot about their motivations.)
Workplace: How do they feel about the team, culture, and environment?
Aspirations: Where do they see themselves in the future?
Reflection: What feedback do they have for you as a manager?
Development: What skills or knowledge do they want to grow?
Start with Self-Awareness and Behavioral Assessments
Before diving into one-on-ones, it’s critical to start with a basic behavioral assessment—both for yourself and your team. Understanding your own management style and the communication preferences of your team members is key to building trust and getting the best out of each individual.
While we may treat everyone equally in terms of fairness, we don’t communicate with everyone equally. Each team member is unique, and adapting your approach to their personality, strengths, and communication style is essential. For example:
Some employees thrive on direct, concise communication, while others may prefer a more collaborative, exploratory approach.
Certain team members might need frequent check-ins for reassurance, whereas others value autonomy and only require occasional guidance.
If you’re unsure how to navigate this, consider seeking guidance from your HR team or a trusted mentor. They can provide coaching on how to approach these conversations with sensitivity and professionalism, ensuring you respect boundaries while still building meaningful connections.
Set Expectations: No Agenda, No Meeting
One of the most valuable habits you can establish as a manager is setting clear expectations and boundaries for your meetings. A great rule of thumb is: “No Agenda, No Meeting.”Require agendas to be submitted at least 48 hours in advance so you can come prepared to make the conversation productive and meaningful.
This practice not only respects everyone’s time but also encourages your team to think critically about what they want to discuss. It sets the tone for professionalism and ensures that one-on-ones are focused and intentional. Boundaries like this are good for business and team dynamics, as they create structure while still allowing space for meaningful dialogue.
Use a “Parking Lot” for Off-Agenda Items
Even with a well-prepared agenda, unexpected topics can arise during one-on-ones. Instead of derailing the conversation, create a “parking lot” for these items. This is a simple list or note where you capture off-agenda topics that deserve attention but may require additional research, input from other team members, or a dedicated meeting.
Using a parking lot keeps the one-on-one focused while ensuring important ideas or concerns aren’t forgotten. At the end of the meeting, review the parking lot and decide on next steps, such as scheduling a follow-up or delegating the issue to the appropriate person.
This approach reinforces boundaries while showing your team that their input is valued and will be addressed thoughtfully.
Create a Low-Distraction Environment
It’s easy to seem distracted when surrounded by gadgets like smartphones, laptops, and smartwatches pinging with notifications. To give your direct report your undivided attention, put all devices on Do Not Disturb (DND) mode or leave them out of the room entirely. Instead, use a low-distraction, high-tech device like a reMarkable tablet for note-taking. This keeps the meeting focused while still allowing you to document key points without interruptions.
By removing distractions, you demonstrate your commitment to the conversation and your respect for the employee’s time. It’s a small change that can have a big impact on the quality of your one-on-ones.
Practical Tips for a Meaningful One-on-One
Prepare Thoughtfully
Review their recent work, feedback, and any notes from previous one-on-ones. Use the submitted agenda to guide your preparation and come with open-ended questions to spark meaningful dialogue.Make It Regular and Consistent
Schedule one-on-ones at a predictable cadence—weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. Consistency builds trust and shows you value their time.Create a Safe Space
Start by asking how they’re doing personally and professionally. Show genuine interest, and make it clear this is their time to share. Always be mindful of their comfort level when discussing personal topics.Listen More, Talk Less
Aim to listen 70-80% of the time. Resist the urge to solve every problem immediately—sometimes, they just need to be heard.Follow Up
After the meeting, summarize key takeaways and follow up on any action items. This demonstrates accountability and reinforces the importance of the conversation.
The Ripple Effect of Great One-on-Ones
When managers invest in meaningful one-on-ones, the benefits extend far beyond the individual employee. Teams become more engaged, aligned, and productive. Employees feel valued and understood, which translates into higher retention and stronger performance.
Closing Thought
Becoming a leader isn’t about having all the answers or micromanaging tasks. It’s about empowering your team to thrive. Mastering the art of one-on-ones, paired with self-awareness, tailored communication, and guidance from trusted resources like HR or mentors, is a foundational skill that will set you apart as a manager who leads with empathy, clarity, and purpose. And remember, setting clear expectations—like “No Agenda, No Meeting”—and creating a low-distraction environment aren’t just about efficiency. Tools like a “parking lot” for off-agenda items ensure you stay focused while still valuing every idea. These habits build trust, foster meaningful relationships, and drive results.
